i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
