i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Randomize
