I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
Randomize
