You're so nebulous sometimes
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
