with your own penis?
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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