Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
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