Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
Confirm your location. A cross street is best, but if google mapping yourself is your least-shameful option go for it. ps- going through his mail for an actual address is always an option.
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
