every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
