do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
Randomize
