Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
Randomize
