Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
My orgasm happened in two different decades
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