I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
Randomize
