dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
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