Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
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