So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
