Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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