Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
Randomize
