He told me they were just razor bumps!
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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