How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
Randomize
