Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
I didn't notice because vodka
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
Randomize
