It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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