The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
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