I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Randomize
