So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
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