Small penises have feelings too.
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
Randomize
