you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
