even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
