a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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