I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
