If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize
