This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
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