Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
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