just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Randomize
