i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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