everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
Randomize
