Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
is this the sara with the beer cane?
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Randomize
