Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Randomize
