sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
Randomize
