Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
Randomize
