i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
