i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
I booty called her while she was in labor.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
Randomize
