I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
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