Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
Randomize
