Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
only if we run a train.
done.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
