totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
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