You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
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