whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Randomize
