She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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