I feel like abortions should bother me more
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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