you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
