Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
Randomize
