Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
