I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
Randomize
