this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
