What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
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