have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
We're hate flirting, damnit.
Randomize
