I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
bring money and cleavage
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
Randomize
