I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
she peed on how many people?
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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