I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
You can't motorboat a personality
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
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