I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
Randomize
