it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
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